You are cordially invited to the wedding of the year. Save the date. Pack your sexiest bikini, squish yourself into a Easyjet seat and fly to Bermuda for the fun of your life.

It's our tenth anniversary, so Lindsay and I are getting married in Bermuda. We're supposed to be writing out personalized wedding vows, but my wife is more interested in writing a filthy sex task book.

And whenever we're within twenty feet of our best man, she gets all flushed and spunky and laser-focused…

Yes, I do feel threatened by our best man. Yes, he does have a body like a steel military bunker. Yes, he does flirt with Lindsay right in front of my eyes. Yes, I would fancy him myself under certain circumstances. But it's really nothing. I have my own super powers. Among some women, I could…you know…you could almost call me a sex god.

But please come and join us. It'll be a blast.

And if you're reading this, please don't sleep with my wife. Thank you.